The Blog

Fuck you all!...

It feels really good to say that. I'm tired of being everyone's doormat. I'm tired of not being able to say it out loud. I'm tired of not being able to escape from bad situations. I'm tired of being trapped here as Catherine, dutiful daughter, loyal friend and target for all the shit around here.

Today I threw a 'Mental Health Day', as my mum calls it. I stayed at home, and scrubbed the house, top to bottom, thought it was great. I vacuumed, I washed, I dried. I swept, I folded, I put away.

Then everyone else comes home. I get a compliment from dad, but I think the only reason he noticed was because I was still sweeping. Then he went out to his real friends online, and I got on with it.

I packed up Ben's laptop from the dining room table, because: a) it pisses me off always being there and b) I was about to shake off the tablecloth. He comes home, and demands to know why I touched his hallowed computer. I say "because I'm about to shake the tablecloth off", so what does he do? He puts the laptop back on the table. I ask him not to, and then he starts hurling abuse beause I "have no right to talk" to him.

Well, fuck him, I think, leaving the broom and the table as they are in the dining room and going to my room. He wants to speak like that, he has no right to have a clean tablecloth. Whatever.

The next thing I know, dad and he are yelling at each other, and dad demands my presence so that he can yell at me for disturbing his afternoon. Because standing there and silently taking the abuse my brother gives me is disturbing him.

Fine, I don't have to take any of this crap. I spend a pleasant half hour in my room, then remember that I have a drink outside. I go and find my cup empty, and upon asking I find that not only did Ben knock it onto the newly-swept floor, but he cleaned it up by mopping it with one of the bathtowels I'd washed today.

Does this not seem fair to anyone else out there? Does anyone even listen? Does anyone even care?

James keeps saying that I'm overdramatising everything at the moment because I'm broken by something my friends did on the weekend, but right now I don't feel dramatic. Just quietly sad.

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