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Author's Notes: This was written in response to the one-hour challenge: “Let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?” And so, in an hour and a half I produced this little number.
I had this wild idea and decided to run with it. Tell me if you like.
“…The secret, therefore, to finding out if the person you love is interested in you, is to kiss them. That’s my theory, and it works!”
Kat finished her copy with a grin. This was the first time that Perry had allowed her to put a relationship advice column in her regular entertainment liftout for the Daily Planet, and she was hoping that it would quickly become more popular than the gossip that usually filled the pages of her work.
She gave a cursory glance to the advertising that to be inserted alongside her work, dismissing most of the fashion and food as uninteresting, and looking quizzically at the perfume sample they were being well-paid to display prominently. Kat had never heard of this particular brand before, but it had been a few weeks since she’d paid any attention to the latest scents, and she was certain that this particular fragrance, which supposedly “brought secret emotions into play and romance to those gentle enough to wear it” would fit well enough next to her advice.
Kat shrugged and sent her copy off to editing, moving on to call her contacts for the latest gossip about Ewan McGregor’s latest movie deal.
Lois would never really remember what had possessed her to even pick up Kat’s gossip liftout from the morning edition of the ‘Planet. All she knew was that she had read it on Monday morning while waiting for Clark to come in so they could work out the final details on a story they were about to break.
Now he was sitting at his desk, looking completely poleaxed, and Lois couldn’t help but admire how drop dead gorgeous that confused look made him. She plopped herself down on his desk, and smiled as she realised that she could still smell that nice perfume she had put on this morning from the sample in the paper.
After a moment, Clark seemed to be able to react to her words. “So”, he began, sounding a little lost and hurt maybe, “let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?”
Grinning now that he understood her, Lois slid herself from the desk onto Clark’s lap. “Yup”, she wriggled a little, making herself more comfortable, and wrapping her arms around Clark’s neck, “So, you going to kiss me or not, Farmboy?”
“No”, the word was said in a deliberately harsh tone, and Clark pushed Lois gently off his lap. He took a moment to disentangle her arms and stood up, a deep frown on his face.
How could he possible be refusing her? She had to kiss him, how else would she know if he was interested in her? And Lois wanted to kiss Clark properly, without it being a distraction for the bad guys. She wanted him to kiss her and mean it, why wouldn’t he? It wasn’t fair.
Clark sighed, looking down at the pouting woman in front of him. He had no idea why Lois was behaving this way, but maybe it would be best if he avoided her today.
Jimmy smiled at the pretty girl who worked the archives, taking her in his arms and bending her over backwards in a classic romance pose. She frowned slightly, looking up at him.
“So, let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?” The words were a whisper, as she tried to deny the attraction she suddenly felt for the young gofer.
Jimmy nodded at her, before sweeping in to capture her lips with his own. She responded enthusiastically, running her hands over his face then holding him tight as she deepened the kiss between them.
After a moment that lasted forever, the two broke apart, each breathing heavily and their knees weak. “I’d say the theory holds true”, she murmured, before grabbing Jimmy and kissing him again.
“Why not?” Lois demanded, hands on her hips and a frown on her face.
Clark’s eyes darted around the bullpit, searching for something that would get Lois off his back. “We have a story to write!”
But not even the promise of a story could deter Lois at this time. Not when it was this important. “The story can wait”, she said peevishly, “I want my kiss.”
“Well, I don’t want to kiss you”, Clark made the tone as heartless as possible. He didn’t know why Lois wasn’t acting herself, but he wasn’t about her let her do something she’d regret once she came back to herself. And besides, he thought with a sad little sigh, it wasn’t as if this was the first time he had lied to her.
Lois felt her heart plummet to her feet as she tried desperately to interpret Clark’s words in a way that contradicted their normal meaning. Surely some small part of him cared for her? How could Clark be so cruel? He was her best friend, and she loved him, but he didn’t even want to kiss her as a friend. She turned from him and ran from the room, trying to escape from both Clark and the frightening emotions that threatened to consume her.
In the foyer of the Daily Planet building, Lois crashed headlong into Lex Luthor, causing him to drop the bunch of red roses he was carrying. She sniffled back a sob, looking up into the handsome billionaire’s eyes.
He smiled at her, and reached up a free hand to brush Lois’ hair from her face. “What’s wrong?” His tone was concerned, and it made Lois cling to him all the more.
“It’s nothing”, Lois lied artfully, regaining control of herself as a faint hint of perfume in the air reminded her of her original issue, “but I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with a theory I have.”
“That would depend on the theory, I would guess, Lois.” His tone was civil, if not overly curious, and Lois got the vaguest of feelings that Lex was not taking her seriously.
“I need you to support my theory”, Lois said with absolute certainty. “And that means you’re just going to have to kiss me.”
The look of confusion on Lex Luthor’s face would have given Clark many hours of amusement, had he been in the frame to appreciate it. As it was, the reporter was nearly having apoplexy in his hiding place as he heard what Lois was proposing. He was right! Lois really wasn’t herself today. And to make matters worse, she was throwing herself at a man that Clark considered his enemy!
“So, let me get this straight”, Luthor was saying, “You want to kiss me to support a theory?”
Lois nodded at Lex, snuggling deeper into his arms. “It’s the only way I can be sure.”
The billionaire shrugged mentally. After all, he had come here to court the spirited reporter and make her his own. If kissing her would help speed the process, he had no compulsions about doing it. “Very well”, he said, in a tone that Clark believed he would use to close a business deal.
Lois smiled and locked her arms around Lex’s neck, standing so that she was pressed up against his body. Desperately, demandingly, she pressed her lips to his, seeking something that Lex could not fathom. He wrapped his arms around her, then pulled them back so that his hands held Lois by the hips. Lois’ eyes were closed and a look of concentration held her face, but Lex’s eyes were wide open, searching her face for some reason or information that he could use to twist this situation further to his advantage.
After what seemed an eternity to Clark, they pulled apart, and Lois bit at her lip thoughtfully.
“Well, my pet”, Lex said with a warm smile, “Does that help your theory any?”
Lois took a step away from Lex, a faint emotion in her eyes that could have been fear. “Yes”, she said quite clearly in a small voice, a soft forced smile on her face, “thank you, Lex. I have to go write a story now, will you excuse me?” And with that, Lois stepped past the billionaire, headed out of the building and seeking something she couldn’t even imagine.
Lex Luthor sighed, and walked from the building a moment later, leaving the crushed roses on the floor behind him.
Perry was eyeing the cleaning lady with some suspicion. “So, let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?” The grizzled editor of the Daily Planet was confused, to say the least.
She nodded at him, words failing her.
“Great shades of Elvis, girl, no”, he growled at the woman who was at least the same age as him, “Alice would have my tripes.” Not to mention that he didn’t find this woman in the least bit attractive, Perry’s morals simply wouldn’t let him commit such an atrocity. “Now, get out of my office before I fire you.”
“Help! Superman!”
That single cry was enough to make Clark decide to drop his stealthy pursuit of Lois. Ducking into an alley he spun into the suit and flew off to do what he could to put out the fire that was threatening the lives of a large number of orphans.
Some morose part of Clark’s mind pondered why it was that orphans were so frequently the target of crime as he flew the children from the burning building. It was somewhat depressing that those who had the least in society were more often than not those who had that little taken away from them.
Still, no one had been hurt, and he had managed to put out the fire before too much structural damage had occurred. It was only as he was flying down to check up on the children that he noticed a certain female reporter had somehow managed to find her way to the scene of the crime and was no doubt looking for an interview.
“Superman!” Lois’ penetrating voice could not be ignored for long, and he had to turn to her.
“Is everything all right, Miss Lane?” Clark assumed his most aloof manner, crossing his hands over his chest and frowning slightly. She seemed taken aback by this.
“I, that is”, Lois began, before pausing as if to snatch the right words out of the air, “I was wondering if you could help me with a theory I’m pursuing.”
Clark sighed inwardly. He had suspected that this was Lois wanted. “Perhaps it would be best if we discussed this in some out of the way place?”
“Good idea.” Lois’ eyes lit up and she leapt into the superhero’s arms. Clark reacted instinctively to catch her, and sighed silently again. “Up, up, and away!”
“I have a bad feeling about this”, Clark murmured softly, as he flew Lois away from the scene, taking her home. He was somewhat surprised to see that she’d left a window open even when she had gone to work, but that worked to his advantage this time. Clark flew in the open window, trying his best to keep his face impassive and his emotions in check as he held Lois in his arms.
But even after lowering them to the floor, Lois remained steadily in his arms. “What did you want, Miss Lane?”
“I want to prove a theory”, she said, managing to look a little guilty, “but it means that I’ll have to kiss you.”
“So, let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?” Clark did his best to make his eyes go flat and unresponsive; he couldn’t just have Lois calling upon Superman for kisses whenever her superhero infatuation got the better of her.
Lois frowned slightly. “I could have sworn I’d heard somebody say that in that exact same tone already today. Did you just get that feeling of déjà vu?” She looked up at him with brilliant eyes that seemed only slightly worried, but deepened Clark’s concern for her even more. If Lois couldn’t even remember what had happened an hour ago, she was definitely in danger of some sort. Something was making her act this way, and he would do his best to help her muddle it out.
“No, Lois, I’m afraid not. And I don’t think kissing you would be a good idea.” He moved as if to put her down, but she just nuzzled closer against his chest.
“No one wants to help me”, she pouted in a voice that made Clark choke up. And really, enough was enough. She’d been throwing herself at him all morning, and if one kiss would be enough to bring Lois back to sanity, than he would certainly give it a try.
He tilted his head towards her slightly, one hand reaching to lift her face towards him, then pulled Lois in close to claim her lips with his. They were so soft; that was Clark’s one rational thought before the emotion of kissing Lois took over and he resorted to instinct, moaning slightly when she deepened the kiss. He let his emotions pour out from his mouth to hers as she delicately probed at him, touching his spirit in a way that none of their previous kisses had even come close to achieving.
Finally Clark broke away, his eyes a little wild. “I should go”, he said, putting Lois down on the couch and moving towards the window, “stay here until I can get someone to come and take care of you.”
Lois’ expression was thoughtful. “Okay”, she murmured, not looking up at him, one hand reaching up to gently press on her lips.
“Ralph, get away from me, you creep!”
“But I just want to kiss you, my pretty feline”, Ralph moved towards Kat like a predator, taking small deliberate steps. “I just want to prove a theory.”
“So, let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?” Kat continued to back away, snatching her handbag from her desk as she did so and reaching within for the bottle of mace she always carried.
Ralph nodded at her. “Your theory, in fact. I have to find out if we are destined to be together. Search your feelings; you know that you find me attractive.”
“I find your manner offensive, and your odour repugnant”, finally her hand latched around the object of her desire and she drew it forth from her bag with a little evil smile.
A few seconds later, Ralph’s screams could be heard quite audibly throughout the Daily Planet building. Kat walked out to lunch with a smile on her face, resolving to try writing some more interesting theories next time in her advice to the lovelorn.
“The compound is working as expected”, a female voice spoke in the stillness of the laboratory.
“But there seem to be a few unusual side effects.” Her companion was male, and he spoke in a deep, cultivated voice.
“I blame the media for that”, she smiled slightly, sniffing at the air, “so, would you like to kiss me?”
“Only to support an unusual theory I read this morning.”
“So, let me get this straight: you want to kiss me to support a theory?”
“Does the reason really matter to you?”
“No. Let us kiss to toast the success of the first test of my perfume.”
A knock on Lois’ door disturbed her thoughtful reverie. She had enjoyed kissing superman, it was true, but there was something missing in the experience, which was something Lois had never thought she would admit. She ruefully admitted to herself that while Superman definitely had a hold of her heart, he didn’t have it completely, and he certainly didn’t love her completely as he should. There had been a restraint in that kiss, something Lois couldn’t quite place.
She got to her feet and wandered over to the front door, removing the latches carefully and smiling as she opened it to reveal Clark standing there with a gentle smile on his face and a grocery bag in his hand.
“I told the Chief that you were feeling ill and needed a day off work. He also gave me permission to spend the afternoon with you once I finished writing up our copy from yesterday. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to edit it yourself.” Clark looked chagrined as he walked through Lois’ living room to the kitchen, Lois following mutely behind him. He opened the freezer and smiled at her. “I brought you rocky road.”
The ice cream went into the freezer as Lois continued to stare at Clark in a totally disconcerting manner. He turned to her, putting his hands on arms that hung limply by her sides. “Lois, what’s wrong? Tell me what to do to fix it?”
“Why didn’t you want to kiss me, Clark?” The words were small, hurt, and they tore the heart out of Clark before he had a chance to defend himself.
Clark turned away from her, so that she couldn’t see the naked sadness on his face. “It isn’t that I don’t want to kiss you, Lois”, he said softly, a part of him hoping that she wouldn’t hear his words, “I want to kiss you and hold you and love you more than anything else in the world. But something has happened to you today, something strange, and you’re not acting like yourself. That’s why you went after Lex Luthor, that’s why you kissed Superman. That’s why you’ll feel horrible when this wears off if I take you up on your offer. I couldn’t bear to humiliate you like that Lois, because I love you.”
The last was said in a whisper, but Clark heard Lois’ sharp intake of breath and cursed himself for speaking the truth to her. Any hope for their maintaining a normal friendship was gone now, unless Lois’ memory of the event disappeared as the drug, or whatever it was, wore off.
“Clark”, she started, sounding very unsure, “I don’t know how I feel about you. That’s why I want to kiss you: not because of some strange effect that you think is making me act strangely and kiss every man in sight, but because I fear I might love you too. It’s the only way to prove my theory.”
He knew he had to refuse, and had started formulating the sentence to do so when he heard one heartfelt word from Lois.
“Please.”
The ‘please’ tore his heart out, and Clark knew he had to respond to it. He turned around, holding his hands out to Lois so that she could cross the room and embrace him warmly. They had hugged before, it was safe, Clark knew that, and he wanted Lois to feel safe. Holding her close, Clark leaned down then, and somewhat inexpertly allowed his lips to caress hers.
Lois responded, not as she had with Superman or Luthor, with gentleness rather than hunger. It was almost as if she realised just how inexperienced Clark was, and she kissed him as if to savour his sweetness above all else. In this kiss Lois sensed barely suppressed passion, something that had been totally devoid of Lex’s kiss and hidden almost beyond notice in Superman’s kiss.
Clark’s kiss was comforting and supportive, allowing Lois to take the dominant role as Lex never would allow, and full of the strength that had existed in Superman’s feelings for her. Dimly, that analytical part of her mind that was still functioning realised that there was no real comparison between this and the kiss of Lex Luthor, which had been about domination and possessiveness. Clark’s kiss was about partnership, equal and loving, and it suddenly opened Lois’ eyes to a new depth of Clark’s personality.
But as she started to compare kissing Clark to kissing Superman, Lois realised the similarities almost immediately. Clark was unsure of himself, to be sure, but Superman’s kisses had been lacking the assuredness of Clark’s devotion.
Lois made a small moaning noise and pressed herself even closer to Clark, who was by now leaning up against the refrigeration and considering letting his hands wander away from their current position wrapped around Lois.
And then it came to Lois’ attention that whatever it was that Superman’s kiss had lacked, Clark’s kiss possessed. Somehow, Clark Kent’s kiss was a complete admission of love, for her, Lois Lane, the most feared and loathed investigative reporter in Metropolis. But there was something else she realised, something that made Clark’s mention of her kissing Superman earlier make sense.
Lois broke the kiss quite suddenly, stepping away in anger as the sudden shock of her discovery leeched away the remains of the pheromone compound that had so confused her senses. Clark was looking remarkably dazed, and Lois wondered if she really should proceed with her newly thought up plans for Clark’s destruction. She nodded to herself.
She slapped him once, hard, noting with some satisfaction the way he pretended to be hurt and shocked at her behaviour. Well, the shocked she could probably understand.
“I take it I disproved your theory”, Clark said in an injured tone, wanting to throw himself from Lois’ balcony and leave Metropolis forever.
“On the contrary, you proved it exactly.” Lois made her tone cod and angry, as she was cold and angry.
“Then why did you slap me?”
“Because you deserved to be punished for lying to me, Flyboy.” Clark was still looking confused. “I’m still mad at you, Clark, and hurt, but I love you so I’ll probably end up forgiving you if you kiss me enough.” Lois was on the verge of starting to babble, so it was probably for the best that Clark took her in his arms at that point, pulling her close with an almost apologetic smile.
“Well then, we’ll just have to get started on that.” Clark grinned at Lois like a predator, “I have a theory I’ll enjoy making it up to you.”
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